November 30th, 2017

Every time I decide to write about you it's as if my pen runs out of ink, my brain decides to shut down, my fingers decide that they won't move.

Am I running from the truth?

I possess the complete ability to spend hours rummaging through my thoughts, as long it all somehow relates to you. Having you in my mind is perfectly fine as long as I get to imagine us spending time and label you as only mine. But we all know that's a lie.

Why am I running from the truth?

Now I'm not saying I'm a liar, it's just that crafting imaginary paintings of us walking into sunsets together is much easier than acknowledging the fact these paintings are just figments of my imagination that will never come to life.

How long will I run from the truth?

One day he’ll see that I’m what he needs…

One day he’ll fulfill my dreams…

One day he’ll truly want me…

One day right???

Well, I wrote that in the summer and one day has finally come. But it’s not the day where you came to your senses, instead I came to mine.

This day and henceforth, you will no longer take advantage of me. You will no longer occupy space in my brain. You will no longer invoke feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and incompetency. You will no longer matter.

This day commemorates my freedom. You have set a precedent that will continue to shape and influence the legislation governing my heart, feelings, and emotions for decades to come.

I am not regular and refuse to be treated as such. I am light that shines bright; in my life as well as the lives of those I care for. I refuse to allow another person to dull me. I am a blessing, and baby you just blocked a blessing.

On this day, Thursday, November 30th, 2017 at 4:33 AM, I choose myself.

or at least I’m working on it…