Reclaiming Love

Love wasn’t precious when I gave it all away. It was rolled eyes at Hallmark movies and skipping every song on the radio. Valentine’s Day became a corporate holiday, just another day to get through. 

I tried to survive while a rising sea of grey drowned all the things that brought me light. Love killed the butterflies in my stomach and grounded the electricity in my heart. It fragmented my body and mind. The love I received from them couldn’t reconnect the pieces of my being on their own. 

I gave the rest of my love away when they came into my life. Before them, I had given most to my family and friends. But when they came along, I slowly gave them the remainder of my love until I became a shell of myself. 

When I gave the rest of my love away, I didn’t leave any behind for me. They were the first that I’ve ever loved this way, and I gave them all that I thought they deserved. When I realized that I was drowning, I thought detaching myself would let me gain my love back. But I almost lost one of the people that I want in my life forever. 

When I gave the rest of my love away, I began to learn how to love again. Their love can’t be the sole source of my happiness. One day their love may fade, and along with it, myself again. If I love myself, then my happiness isn’t dependent on someone else.

Although I’ll continue to give them my love, I’m learning how to give most of it to myself.