On Embracing Femininity

I am confident when I say that being raised by a misogynist that spent his life surrounded by women is probably in the Top 10 Most Ironic Things I’ve Witnessed and in the Top 5 for Worst Things I Lived Through As A Child. 0/10, do not recommend. It is with a heavy heart that I say that at one point, I likely said the words, “I’m not like most girls.” To every girl ever, and to my younger self, I truly do apologize.

So basically, for as long as I could remember, being girly was something that was looked down on.

“Ugh, she likes to get her nails and hair done and she can’t play with the boys.”

“I can’t wear dresses or skirts, they’re too girly, and I’m not a girly-girl.”

Growing up, being girly and doing girly things was seen as a weakness, and we had to be harder, stronger, more masculine. Doing girly things like painting nails or wearing makeup were seen as a waste of time and unnecessary so I didn’t do them until recently. Even now, I have the means to do them but I don’t do them often. I don’t do my nails often because they don’t end up lasting long. I don’t do my makeup because I’m bad at it and somewhere between growing up a gifted kid and comparing myself to 13-year-olds on Tiktok, I’m having a hard time letting myself be bad before I get better at it. The only purses I’ve had in my life didn’t live with me long and were barely used because I will live and die by my bookbag. Dresses, skirts, and heels all restrict my movement, and honestly, I don’t have enough to wear anyway. I’m constantly feeling like I have to do catch up with girls my age because they’ve already done this part that I’m just figuring out.

And this is all surface-level femininity, and you don’t even have to do this to be a girl. These are all socially imposed things that girls are told to do. But even though I know this, I feel like doing them would allow me to experience some of the femininity I was denied.

The most important things I’ve learned to embrace that I was denied have been having girlfriends and being a warmer person. Having girlfriends has been only a series of amazing experiences, it’s been like always having my sisters around but they’re my age so everything goes and I can stop giving advice (I love my actual sisters dearly but because I don’t see them often Big Sis Mode goes too hard). I can only imagine how many experiences I’ve missed out on because I once thought having all guy friends was better (GROSS I was such a pick me, ewwwwwwww).

Also learning that there was no need for me to be a cold and hard person. Being warm and bright and open and passionate are all strengths on their own and I love feeling like this. Caring deeply about my causes and favorites. Complimenting absolute strangers to brighten their day. Smiling and dancing with small kids. Getting excited about things and sharing them with my friends immediately. These are all the best things I’ve come to embrace and they make me love existing and living.

Being a girl and being girly are amazing. Being a girl isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength. And I refuse to say things happen for a reason but I do sometimes think that embracing femininity later has given me a deep love for it. I love being feminine. I love being a girl, it’s amazing.