Making Friends Abroad while Black: Pandemic Edition
Imagine you have to start over in college again, no friends, completely new educational set up and you don’t know where anything is. Now add on that fact that you’re a racial, ethnic, and linguistic minority in a homogenous country. It’s definitely a learning curve. Kinky hair, brown skin, an American accent, and a dream in South Korea during a pandemic. Don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely ecstatic to be here. I’ve worked so hard to be able to study abroad this semester and I am so proud of myself and my decisions, however, I’m human. I want to socialize, but I’m cautious and a little socially awkward so here’s how I am making friends while Black in a foreign country during a pandemic.
Starting with the familiar
Whether in America or traveling abroad, Black people carry generational traumas that affect how we interact with others. From a young age, we pick up on cues from our parents and family on how to act around white and non-Black people, especially in unknown environments. Keep a pleasant expression, count the other Black people in the room, notice the exits. It’s like second nature. Even when there is no reason to assume they mean us harm and harbor “liberal” ideology, we’re still wired to be hesitant--wary.
Ironically, in the beginning, the other Americans, who were mostly white, were who I gravitated towards. It felt comfortable. Same language, similar social knowledge. Race aside, finding someone from your own country while abroad feels good. I was able to bond with other American’s about our college experiences and our decisions to study abroad during a pandemic. I was excited to meet new people but it was nerve wracking, especially after spending four months at home with only my nuclear family as company. However, slowly, but surely, I become more comfortable and confident meeting people. When friends invited to group outings I said yes. When I met a new person I asked for their Instagram or Kakao Talk (a Korean messaging app). But even with my growing comfortability, the COVID-19 presents it’s own unique challenges.
Pandemic Tings
There are definitely some cons to studying abroad during a pandemic. For example, being isolated in quarantine for two weeks, attractions not being open, fearing for health 24/7 to name a few. However, there are also some pros to studying abroad during a pandemic. Online classes allow more time to explore Seoul and one of the biggest pros in the friend department is that I get to meet people from different countries. This semester, many American colleges have very limited study abroad options (UNC has a total of 5 students abroad this semester) so the majority of foreign students abroad are not American. Not only am I experiencing Korean culture, but I’m also getting snippets of cultures from Iceland, Germany, Romania, France, China, and the list goes on. While I enjoy connecting with my friends from around the world, masks are still mandatory.
Wearing a mask is one of the most important things we all have to do to keep each other safe. In some ways, it’s a necessary evil. As a Black person in a country that is still relatively homogenous, I feel the need to overcompensate due to racial biases in Korea and I don’t want to be labeled as “that foreigner” or even worse “that Black foreigner”. However, a mask covers up my face and I fear that it may make me look intimidating. I know that I may be viewed as non-threatening because of my small frame and light skin. However, the stares from the elder Koreans on the subway make me hyper-aware of the prejudices people still hold.
Also, when trying to make new friends, masks are the enemy. On many occasions, I’ve met a new person, had a conversation, and exchanged Instagrams only to be totally confused at the unfamiliar face appearing on my feed. Similarly, learning names, especially names that are not in my native language, is a challenge with masks when voices are muffled and I can’t read lips to make sure I get the correct pronunciation. It’s also a struggle to figure out who is taking the pandemic seriously. In Korea, wearing a mask is strictly enforced and at every place you enter you have to provide contact information for virus contact tracing. My peers and I are socially and legally obligated to comply, but what else are they doing to protect themselves? Nightlife is open again in Korea, yet I see some people take off their masks as soon as they get into the bar or share drinks with strangers. I don’t and can’t know everyone’s background and beliefs surrounding COVID-19, and that’s terrifying.
Explaining Blackness
The pandemic is a constant topic of conversation, but my friends and I also like to discuss society and politics in our respective countries. That being said, the majority of my friends are non-Black and non-American, meaning I often feel like the spokesperson for the Black American experience and by association the nuances of Black womanhood. I’m asked a lot about my vocabulary. In comfortable settings, I’ll fall into a slight Southern AAVE accent with and my friends with English as a second (or third) language tend to be curious about the meaning of “Ionoboutalldat”or even “periodt”. I also get a lot of questions about my natural hair and protective styles and I’ve had to fend off a few overcurious hands from my head a handful of times. But what’s most exhausting is explaining micro-aggressions, modern racism and the history of the American civil rights movement and what it means today. Theres so much to talk about and not enough and I feel as if I am an unofficial representative for Black women, whether I’m in my majority Korean class explaining lynchings or just out to dinner with friends explaining why you shouldn’t really be calling things “ghetto” or “ratchet”.
The silver lining to this situation is that I don’t actually feel like my Blackness is a commodity. Generally, the questions I get are filled with genuine curiosity, and with the global coverage of the American Black Lives Matter movement I find that many of my classmates and peers are more likely to listen and learn when we get to discuss these topics. I know I’m not by obligated to explain the basics of Blackness when Google is free, but I also recognize sometimes people just want to learn, and who better to learn from than someone with real experiences? Even with COVID-19 making it harder to connect with others, I’m enjoying my time in Korea, making friends, having discussions, and exploring a new country. Making new friends is hard in any situation, but I think I’m managing.
