The Angry Muslim Girl
Don’t be the angry Muslim girl.
It’s not a good look. Honey, you’re in America now. You’re scaring the civilians. As if that scarf weren’t bad enough — it triggers our American sensibilities, and the PTSD of the soldiers. Never mind that you looking happy means you’re brainwashed, or if you’re shy and quiet, obviously you’re being beaten. An angry Muslim girl probably has a grenade stuffed under that flowery skirt.
Don’t be the angry Muslim girl.
Don’t think back to how two of your earliest memories are linked to that mantra. Don’t think about how sitting in your Media Ethics class surrounded by blonde girls is just like sitting in your kindergarten classroom — just like the time when you looked down at your arm (the color of cinnamon, the color of clay) and you realized that you were the only one in that room who didn’t glow pale as the moon. Don’t think about how, in first grade, a boy who was also cinnamon-and-clay (Indian, like you!) walked right up to you and grinned and screamed and said I’m scared of Muslims!
And God, you didn’t know why. Why? Who says that to someone who’s never been anything but nice to you?
Don’t think about how you went home that night and cried to your mom — what did I do? What did I do? — and her face got all drawn and quiet, and she sat you down for a talk and told you the story of 9/11. And to you it was obvious, that the actions of 19 people don’t represent a community of 1.8 billion. But no, Ammi explained, people don’t think that way.
Don’t be angry that people are stupid, no matter how much you grow and how much you learn. Don’t be angry that Islamophobia is in almost every single action movie you’ve ever watched, from Iron Man (where bodies catch fire and women in niqab are deadly) to Mission Impossible (where the Middle East is a convenient backdrop for white heroism). Don’t even let yourself dwell on American Sniper and Homeland. Even Black Panther and Never Have I Ever let you down. Even little scenes that last a nanosecond become steel reinforcing an iron narrative.
Don’t be angry that hating on Islam is socially acceptable. In fact, people will cheer you on. Maybe you’ll even become president based on promises to ban you all. Don’t be angry when you watch the Democratic debates and not a single person other than Bernie brings up the Muslim Ban. Don’t clench your fists in your political science class when the white kids try to tell you what sharia law is, or when your teacher plays an ISIS recruitment video and you’re the only hijabi in the room, and everyone knows that the extremist on screen is talking directly to you.
Don’t think about the Rohingya, slaughtered by Buddhist extremists, or the Hindutva terrorists lynching Muslims in India every day. Don’t think about colonialism and slavery in the name of Jesus. You’re the only religion that promotes terror. Own up to it. Apologize. Don’t you people condemn anything?
Don’t sit there wishing that both shoes had hit Bush in the face. Don’t wonder why you should salute the troops that are breaking the spines of Iraq and Afghanistan. Don’t remember how before colonialism, Baghdad was a golden hub of libraries and universities, a star in the desert. Don’t remember the one million kids who died of sanctions. Don’t remember Abu Ghraib. Don’t remember Guantanamo Bay.
Don’t remember that kneeling for the anthem will end your career, but saying “kill them with bullets dipped in pig’s blood” will win you the position of the most powerful person on earth.
Don’t argue with your friend when she pulls you upright for “the Star Spangled Banner,” because she doesn’t want to be yelled at by Karen today. Don’t do anything other than laugh when you remember that saying “God is greater” in Arabic will get you arrested. Don’t think about how in public, you hide to pray because you don’t know what kind of enraged psycho might be watching. Don’t rip off the bumper sticker on the car next to yours that says “All-American Kafir.” Don’t play into their stereotypes. They’re waiting for it to happen, even as they push you step by step towards the edge, just so they can say they were right all along.
Don’t remember Christchurch, because most people don’t even know about the 50 shot dead for praying - though they do know about Notre Dame and the Paris attacks, because they were more important anyway. Don’t remember Deah, Yusor, and Razan, because on the anniversary of their deaths Chapel Hill the town sits quietly and goes about its day.
Don’t think that your grief means anything. It’s invisible to everyone but you.
Don’t be the angry Muslim girl. Meet their stares with smiles. Take their accusations and calmly come up with a response. Let them rage and lash out at your for being the sole perpetrator of terrorism in the world. Answer politely when the cashier at Target asks, “How can you support a religion that…?”
Laugh it off. Say, “Oh, it’s not that bad.”
After all, it’s your job to give them no reason to be angry at you.