A House Is Not A Home

When I was in middle school, I came to realize that there is a clear distinction between a house and a home. A house is just a place where you live. It’s where you might eat, sleep, and bathe. However, a home is a place where you are safe and free and loved. And yes, in a home you do all the same things that you do in a house. But in a home, you don’t have to look over your shoulder and mute yourself to keep the peace. And so, it was in middle school that I realized that I’ve never lived in a home, I’ve only ever lived in a house. 

In talking with my ex (he’s also my roommate) recently, I realized that I once made a home out of a person. And in hindsight, I was wrong for that. He did feel like home once. I felt all those positive emotions of being safe and free and loved, but there were times that I muted myself to keep the peace. He mentioned that I’ve never let myself fail at something in front of him, which is true. I’m not the best cook (I’m not horrible either) but I never just try things out to try them out. I’m always scared of messing something up and not doing it perfectly, so I’ve never done more than just help in the kitchen or stay away from what I can mess up. That’s when I realized that made me feel safe and muted at the same time. The apartment we live in feels like a home. I don’t mute myself often. But I have realized that I am my loudest self when he’s not home I’ve made a home out of where we live, but Warsan Shire was right when she said, “you can’t make homes out of human beings.”

Something I have realized in my twenty-one years of life is that the closest I can get to making a home out of a human being is making a home out of myself. With me, I am free, I am loud, I am safe, and I am loved. And after all the garbage I’ve gone through in my life, to finally say that I am loved and free within myself is like coming home after a long, strenuous day to take an amazing and relaxing shower that completely washes the day away and then lay in bed with warm, soft sheets.

What I’ve learned the most in my life, is that just because something might look like a home or that someone may feel like a home, sometimes they are just a house playing dress-up. And making a distinction between the two has made all the difference in the world to me.