Will you, maybe be my Valentine?
In a few days, it’ll be Valentine's Day again. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against this holiday. In fact, I thoroughly enjoy all the heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. However, how do you celebrate a holiday meant for couples, when you’re not exactly “official” with your partner? Or, wait, do you not celebrate? If these questions sound a tad bit familiar, I think it’s time we talk about situationships.
Situationships, often called “the talking stage”, is when you and your partner are more than friends but not really together yet; or, rather, the parameters of your relationship are not strictly defined. Moreover, it seems situationships have embodied modern-day dating, especially in college.
But what happens when the lines begin to blur and you find yourself thinking about them more than usual? Or you start wondering if they’re seeing other people besides you? I painfully admit I’ve been there too.
A few months ago, I met someone who was unlike anyone I’d ever met before. It wasn’t anything serious at first (although it never is). The next thing I knew, a few flirty Snapchats led to a few dates, and eventually, I was denying to my friend that I had a crush on them. It was going pretty good too, but I guess that’s the thing with situationships— you never really know what’s going to happen next.
After a series of miscommunications and hurt feelings, it ended as quickly as it started. Now I’ve been heartbroken before, but this one stung a little different. Maybe it was the on-and-off that left me drained, or the possibility of potential that never was. But the worst feeling of all was feeling like I shouldn’t be so upset since we weren’t even dating.
Situationships can often mimic the affection and support that a committed relationship entails. However, it leaves out one important part: stability. We believe it means something because of the way we behave with one another, but there’s no reassurance. It’s an emotionally gray area that creates a lot of uncertainty.
If there’s one thing I learned out of this, it’s that unofficial relationships— no matter what colloquial term is used—are still relationships and the emotions involved aren’t any less real.
So if you also find yourself reeling from a situationship, remember that it’s okay to be upset over it. Take the time to grieve the loss of an emotional and intimate connection. Talk your best friend’s head off about the situation, if need be (I know I did). You’ll eventually realize that you deserve someone who will be clear and direct about their intentions, whether they are casual or committed.
On the other hand, if you’re currently in a situationship and you feel unsure of where you’re headed, maybe it’s time to have a conversation with them. I know, I know, the whole “what are we talk” is so cliche, but you don’t even have to phrase it like that. Maybe try, “I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you and I was just wondering how you feel about us”. I know it can be a nerve-wracking conversation, but I promise it’ll save you from so many headaches in the long run.
No matter what your current relationship status may be, I hope everyone has a Happy Valentine’s Day, and don’t forget all the candy that goes on sale the next day!